FRIDAY DICKCHEESE: Sports Writers

First it was Roger Clemons. Then it was Barry Bonds. Then it was the humiliating Joe Dumars incident which was closely followed by that disgusting mistake with Ralphie the Buffalo. And then whole the London Eye/Millennium Wheel thing. But what about right now? Right now, it is all Michael Beasley (pictured right, above Mac Stevenson). Michael Beasley. Not surprisingly, it looks like sports writer nation has it dreadfully wrong yet again.

I mean, what the fuck is so fucking great about Michael Beasley? Seriously, dude. Forget about the fact that his game has more holes than a huge field totally filled with tons and tons of holes in it. HE’S A CRYBABY FLOPPER. AND SOFT. Michael Beasley. That’s right. What the sports writers won’t tell you is that Michael Beasley doesn’t slice the salami of the NBA’s jib. But that’s not their fault. They’re just too dumb to see it. Which is their fault.

For example, Mac Stevenson (pictured right, below Michael Beasley), who writes that KU plays like “a bunch of frightened freshman,” has guards that are “substandard on both offense and defense,” and is a team that is “going downhill on a fast horse,” really, really likes Michael Beasley a lot. He basically thinks that Michael Beasley is pretty much a badass. But that’s cool. I’m cool with Mac.

Current events in senility aside, though, don’t be shocked if Michael Beasley slips and slides all the way down to the second round of the NBA draft. Michael Beasley. Professional NBA scouts are paid in money to know like they know their backs and hands when a player’s lines of stats are way over inflated due to being on a fucking awesome team that also happens to have a fucking awesome coach. Shithead sports writers aren’t.