Why Carson Coffman should be the guy with his hands on some sweaty center's taint come September 5th

This post is about why Carson Coffman should start at Quarter-back for the intercollegiate football team that represents Kansas State University.  I will demonstrate that this is the correct decision based on the following reasons:

1)  Carson Coffman has a striking similarity (in physical appearance, mental profile and intangibles) to Quarter-back Matt Saracen featured on the Documentary "Friday Night Lights" on the KSNT affiliate of the National Broadcasting Corporation's Friday night programming.

2)  Matt Saracen in said documentary unexpectedly leads his team to two consecutive State Championship games (winning the first and losing the second) while fending off challenges as QB1 from "dual-threat" thugs and "pretty-boy" hype machines

3)  Due to these similarities, I believe that Carson Coffman is my first choice Quarter-back, "Field General" and QB1 for Kansas State University's Intercollegiate Athletic Football Club.

Alright!  First let's start with looks.  Looks are very important to a Quarter-back.  

                         

Enough said.

Now, let's talk X's and O's:

There are different types of Quarter-backs in intercollegiate football and they basically fall in to three groups.  I will rank them in order of my favorites:

1)  Field Generals-  These guys are pure grit.  Usually have operated costly farm implements that were bought with crop insurance.  Usually were H.S. Quarter-backs that had high degrees of success in 8 man or at most, 3A football.  Usually Field Generals have a father in the military.  Two great examples of Field Generals off the top of my head would be Carson Coffman and Matt Saracen.

2) "Dual-Threat"-  These guys are usually "athletic" and "run-first" and excel "when plays break down."  They are pretty awesome if they are good, but sometimes they have attitude problems that are absent among Field Generals.  Some quick examples I can think of are Voodoo from Friday Night Lights and Michael Vick.

3) Pretty-boys- These guys are usually coach's kids that are highly hyped.  These are those guys you see prancing around at Nike Elite 11 and all those highly publicized All-Star games.  They usually are from California and have to be taught how to throw an option pitch or how to take a snap under center without breaking a nail.  I freaking hate these guys.  Common examples would include:  Josh Freeman, Grant Gregory, Chris Simms.

In conclusion, Carson Coffman is very similar to Matt Saracen because they are very similar in appearance, they are very similar in intangibles and therefore logic dictates that their outcomes should be similar.  I would say that with Head Coach Bill Snyder and Field General Carson Coffman taking the reins away from ass clown Ron Prince and Pretty Boy Josh Freeman there should be a shock run to the Big XII Championship Game (I am NOT promising a National Championship game because in Friday Night Lights they do not have a National Championship game so it would be very unfair and premature to suggest that comparison......YET!).  There will probably be a tough loss early in the year, some close games all the way up to the end along the way.  I'll say this as well, Billiam!  Watch out for those daughters!  Carson will be gunning for them as he seeks a father figure for approval!  I know you've been working for Big Brothers/Big Sisters and Bill Carson needs a LOT of love!

I will end with my favorite two phrases that I often say at great volume to support my favorite intercollegiate athletic Football club (AND ALMA MATER!)  Kansas State University:

GO CATS!

EMAW! (Every Moment Awesome Wonder!)

GOD'S AWESOME GIFT FORCED CAPTIVE BREEDING PROGRAM - WEEK 1

Here at Gods we try to make up for society’s numerous embarrassments. Our newest initiative is the forced breeding of two subsets of the world’s most important and influential figures. Big 12 basketball coaches and Politicians have always been known as the gas that makes the world engine go. Now, Gods and it's subsidiaries are going to take that up just a few fucking notches. Breeding these two sets of awesome together may just get us to the next evolutionary jump that puts us over the edge.

Our first forced breeding experiment features two very compatible subjects and should make for an easy coupling. These two lovable drunken pisspots were easily located, Ted at Rosemary’s Thyme Lounge in DC partaking in half price pitchers of margaritas and Sean at Mike’s College Bar in Stillwater partaking in puking on the fucking floor. Their similarities don’t end there. Both Sean and Ted suffer from “Family-much-better-at-chosen-profession-than-me-syndrome.” This additional compatibility point made the bumbling booze-breaths start crying and hugging each other on first introduction in a disturbing man-boob saturated embrace. They also found common ground in their not remembering when/were they had last seen the Oklahoma State Cowboys/daughter Kara Kennedy. We here at Gods hope this natural fit in forced captive breeding can lead to a hybrid that carries the best traits of both breeding specimens.


These good traits include: Wealth.

The traits we will look to avoid include: Stank, Booziness, Bad at job/career, Falling asleep at the wheel like dad always did.


Please visit next week for our next featured breeding couple.