MY TAKE: 800 W’s Ain’t What it Used to Be

I’ll acknowledge Duke Basketball Head Man Mike Krzyzewski when and only when he reaches at least 1000 wins, thank you very much.

While I’m not one of those nut job conspiracy theorist nuts who believe that Duke Basketball gets more than its fair share of love from ESPN and/or Dick “Wyoming Cowboy basketball 'til I die” Vitale, the amount of attention paid to Mike Krzyzewski’s so-called “milestone” tastes more like Pepto Shitsmol to me.

I’m not trying to take anything at all away form Mike Krzyzewski. He’s been doing a satisfactory enough job, I suppose, and even seems to be in pretty decent standing with John and Jane Taxpayer as well as with Jesus Christ. He was, after all, able to retain his position despite nearly one million calls for his puny weasel head during the lacrosse stripper sex scandal eight long years ago.

Look, all I’m saying is that I’m sick of all these people who think that we need to be going out of our way to acknowledge Mike Krzyzewski in any way. That’s my point. And, also, right now is just not a good time for this, man.

Back in the days when alchie dinosaurs like Eddie Sutton were crossing the 800th victory plateau, there were, like, only three or four other guys on the list of guys with 800 wins. Now, it’s like everyone and their fucking grandma’s coach is on the list. And, trust me, most of these guys you’ve never heard of. I’m sorry, but just who the fuck are Adolph Rupp, Dick Sauers, and Jerry Tarkanian? Anyone?

Acknowledge Mike Krzyzewski for winning 800 games? I don’t think so. At least not before we acknowledge Klagenfurt.

MY TAKE: Keep NBA Talent In College!

Remember how, when you were younger or maybe still today, your father would take you to a college basketball game and relentlessly heckle the no talent scrubs sitting at the end of the bench? Well, what once provided an opportunity to laugh and have some special bonding stuff going on is now signaling the beginning of a full on crisis mode situation.

You see, amigos, the latest from the kenpom data bank indicates that the end of the bench, very much like certain global warming conditions, is growing and expanding at a crazy scary rate.

Take, for example, Tier 1 elite Duke and Tier 2 elite Kansas. Their present twin strategies to avoid recruiting NBA talent at all costs have resulted in teams consisting entirely of four year player, end of the bench type scrubby scrubs.

No doubt, your initial reaction is, so what? More scrubs, more heckles, more family fun, right? WRONG! So what’s the big fucking deal, then? Well, I’ll tell you, dude.

Teams that consist entirely of four year player, end of the bench type of scrubby scrubs have a name: mid majors. But when’s the last time you watched a game between two mid majors? Nobody wants to watch that shit, man. Point proven.

If the entire whole of college basketball becomes a huge dirty bathtub full of mid majors, no one will be interested. No one will watch on television. No one will go to games. And, I’m telling you right now. Those kinds of things are not good for college basketball. They just aren't.

In conclusion, for the sake of the college game, KEEP NBA TALENT IN COLLEGE! Peace, man. GO CATS!

MY TAKE: KSU VS. TEXAS PREDICTION

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First Half:

KSU	31
Texas	31

Second Half:

MY TAKE: Embarrassing “Pressers” get a NOT! (HOT!)

College students, like Scandinavians, should be seen and not heard. This is doubly true for student athletes at KSU. Why, then, are the folks at the KSU yearbook, Royal Purple Yearbook, broadcasting Seussical the Musical inspired ramblings of said individuals for the internet community at large to see at large? The answer? Just as it was regarding the profs, poi, and porn pictorial controversy last year, the answer is quite simple: COLLEGE STUDENTS.

That’s right. Unbelievably, this is, quite remarkably, a case of college students giving other college students a voice. You see, a GAG KSU special investigation has uncovered and revealed that the KSU yearbook, Royal Purple, is actually a publication of students: COLLEGE STUDENTS.

How could such a tragic flimflam have occurred, you ask? We don’t know.

What’s important here, though, isn’t how this has happened. It is that it has happened. That is, that’s what’s important here. Indubitable proof that it has indeed happened (what’s important here) can be viewed by all at large in the video montage compilation below.

WARNING! What you are about to witness is embarrassing to KSU, its friends, its family, the countries from which its foreign students derive, and to both the Declaration of Independence and free speech in general. The fifth time you see it, your stomach will turn. The tenth time you see it, you will get, like, really, really mad. After that, it’s basically a lot of crying about the future of our planet. GO CATS!

Footage courtesy of Royal Purple Yearbook. Tunes courtesy of the The Flying Burrito Brothers. Formatting courtesy of Team Catlab.