EMAW!'r of the Week

Change.

That is the word around here. Things are abuzz at the Gods workshop. Executive decisions are being made and shit is getting done. The gooey, primordial soup is slowly taking shape. Apparently, someone decided to shape Fridays (aka, the start of the weekend) like a wiener. Or more specifically like that shit that cakes under your mushroom head if you don't clean after a wank and makes your junk smell like the crease between the cushions in the dorm lobby couch on Sunday morning. Well EXCUUUUUUUUSE ME! Some of us like to fucking party around here and getting a face full of well aged man-aize is not our idea of a good time. Some of us like to go in to the weekend with a BANG! Not the pathetic remains of one.

Segue.

So you know what? Apparently this shit is like Vietnam, Walter. Maybe there aren't any rules. So I decided, henceforth, to give your wieners something to jam with instead of just a rotten case of wiener jam.

EMAW!'r of the Week

Ok. For the retards:
EMAW! = Every Man A Wildcat.
EMAW!'r = Every Man A Wildcat'r
EMAW!'r of the Week = Every Man A Wildcat'r of the Week (in this case Feb 4-8 if you want to get fucking technical)

Who?

GOD.

God is this week's EMAW'r of the Week because of his creation of Kansas State University. "What?", you exclaim.

Fuck you. Apparently, someone is a little asshole contrarian. Well, no one likes an asshole.

Apparently, you missed the part where it said that God created the Universe and then he made Man. Man made Kansas State University. Therefore God made Kansas State University.

Looks like someone never took the SAT. And don't give me this "literal interpretation" "with his hands" noise. He just sub-contracted that shit out because he's got the cash flow.

Don't hate.

That's why it is God's Awesome Gift: KSU and not Isaac Goodnow's Awesome Gift: KSU, ok?

So anyway, I'll finish off by saying:

Thank You O'Lord (yes he's Irish you smart ass)
For this blessed institution of higher learning
For Michael Beasley and Billy Walker
For Frank Martin and Dalonte Hill
For Josh Freeman
For this Awesome blog that will serve testament to your Bodacious greatness
For Led Zepplin
And for burning down that building so we could have the Wabash.

This week's EMAW'r of the Week!

GOD.

FRIDAY DICKCHEESE: GENERAL DICKCHEESE

You've heard all sorts of yarns and tales this week about Bob Knight - or "Coach K" as he is affectionately known. Most of it is about the legacy he leaves behind him. Some claim he was a very, very great man who did very, very great things yet was, sadly, misunderstood. Others contend that he was a huge fucking asshole sometimes mistaken for something else. I don’t know anything about any of that. What I do know is that Coach K was, if nothing else, 100% dickcheese.

Judgements about things like whether or not and to what degree Coach K was a huge fucking asshole aside, everyone around town agrees that he was a master of a zenmaster motivator and teacher. Pretty much almost like a non-fiction Yoda. While widely lauded for keeping his cool when an out of control hippie referee threw a chair at him simply because he asked for clarification of a rule (a stupid rule to begin with), perhaps Coach K’s greatest act of selflessness and goodwill towards his fellow man came when Zeke Thomas had some diarrhea type issues during a game one night. Coach K stayed behind long after everyone else had gone home and, on his hands and knees, cleaned up all the Zeke dookie which covered the entirety of the locker room floor.

Much like I felt when the lovable Woody Hayes passed on, I'm now wishing that I could have had the honor of meeting Coach K before he died. One thing is certain, though. Each time I catch a glimpse of the shit collected on the wad of toilet paper that I’ve just used to wipe my ass, I’ll remember you, Coach K. Rest in peace, dickcheese. And may God’s love be with you.

GOD'S AWESOME GIFT FORCED CAPTIVE BREEDING PROGRAM - WEEK 1

Here at Gods we try to make up for society’s numerous embarrassments. Our newest initiative is the forced breeding of two subsets of the world’s most important and influential figures. Big 12 basketball coaches and Politicians have always been known as the gas that makes the world engine go. Now, Gods and it's subsidiaries are going to take that up just a few fucking notches. Breeding these two sets of awesome together may just get us to the next evolutionary jump that puts us over the edge.

Our first forced breeding experiment features two very compatible subjects and should make for an easy coupling. These two lovable drunken pisspots were easily located, Ted at Rosemary’s Thyme Lounge in DC partaking in half price pitchers of margaritas and Sean at Mike’s College Bar in Stillwater partaking in puking on the fucking floor. Their similarities don’t end there. Both Sean and Ted suffer from “Family-much-better-at-chosen-profession-than-me-syndrome.” This additional compatibility point made the bumbling booze-breaths start crying and hugging each other on first introduction in a disturbing man-boob saturated embrace. They also found common ground in their not remembering when/were they had last seen the Oklahoma State Cowboys/daughter Kara Kennedy. We here at Gods hope this natural fit in forced captive breeding can lead to a hybrid that carries the best traits of both breeding specimens.


These good traits include: Wealth.

The traits we will look to avoid include: Stank, Booziness, Bad at job/career, Falling asleep at the wheel like dad always did.


Please visit next week for our next featured breeding couple.

Local KU Fans Ready for Yearly Disappointment

Lawrence resident Trevor “Trevsky” Nicholson has been nervously counting down the days to the KU annual basketball disappointment he explained to Gods in a recent interview. “I just hope it isn’t to Bucknell or Bradley, you know?” said the junior. “As a Psychology major I understand more than most the mental shit this team puts us through. Hell, much of my year goes into claiming my Hawks are Elite and One of the Big Dogs but I know what’s coming, yeah, I know” Trevor gloomily confessed during our interview at Freestate with a bunch of his “bras”. Trevor’s frat “bro” Hamilton “The Hamster” Johnson confided in Gods in a supposedly private interview that he didn’t even think he wanted to be a KU fan anymore, “I just don’t think it’s worth it, knowing we will under-perform again and send me and my bro’hams into our seasonal depression.” “I think I may just hang with my boys at the Wheel and scope for some hotties because that’s what we do best," The Hamster suggested before administering “high-fives” to his “bros-in-arms.” One thing is for sure, none of this Abercrombie and Fitch outfitted troupe was going to bet anything on their hawks winning it all. “No, man, I won’t put any cheese on the hawks this year. I work to hard for that allowance to waste it on anything but micros and biaaatches”, explained Kenny “Milkchugger” Lawson to nods of approval from his “posse”.

Si se puede. (click pic to see full glory)

Mizzou-huh? K-WHO!

Blue and Yellow

Blue and yellow.
Blue and yellow.
Fly up.
Fly down.

One and two.
One not two.
Yellow and Blue.
Yellow and Blue.

Salute to a Great American

EarthdogFred is living the American dream. Not only does he serve as the principal administrator and chief lead moderater of phog.net's message board bulletin bbs online discussion forums, he is also a renowned evaluator and analyst online and on the air and the "godfather" of Internet recruiting coverage for scout.com.

Be sure to keep up with EarthdogFred's coverage of college basketball if and only if you don't want to look like a shithead when talking to your friends.

EarthdogFred's latest game analysis:

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After weeks of speculation that we would go undefeated and comparisons of the team to the '97 team, the '02 team, the '82 UNC team, '84 Georgetown, '90 UNLV and the '27 Yankees, the lads got boatraced by a bunch of freshmen "coached" by a discredited, hack former high school AAU coach. Still, in even the bleakest hour there is a silver lining. And, as always, the GBU is committed to finding it.

THE GOOD.

1. Russell Robinson fouled out with 2 minutes and 36 seconds to go. Unfortunately, a clerical error revealed he only had four fouls, so he reentered the game whereupon he promptly fouled out again with 1 minute to go. Even more unfortunately this all occurred in the second half rather than the first where losing Robinson might have done some good.

2. I have checked the schedule and we, in fact, do not have to play those guys in Africa. So the worst we can do is 0-2, 0-3 if we can make it to the conference tournament finals.

3. Thank God we have poised and experienced upper classmen who won't lose their composure, panic, and start throwing up circus shots at the first sign of any adversity. This bodes well for the tournament.

THE BAD.

1. The GBU has received the following advisory from the American Medical Association and passes it along here. Attention Medical Professionals: Recent medical research has revealed a serious side effect of ACL surgery -- an uncontrollable urge to jump out of the gym at the sign of the slightest head fake. To date, there is no known cure.

2. Darrell Arthur is not going to be the second coming of Drew Gooden, unfortunately. He is the second coming of Nick Collison. In addition to sharing the trait of outstanding offensive footwork, Arthur, like Collison, also is utterly incapable of playing without picking up silly fouls. Of course, some of the blame for this lies with Self's ridiculous post rotation circus last season that prevented Arthur from acquiring important experience on playing with fouls and avoiding them.

3. I assume that watching the team run nothing but ineffective high screen/roll and dribble weave will put an end to the notion that some sort of sophisticated and effective half court offense was installed over the semester break.

THE UGLY.

1. KSU looks to be very well coached team. The have improved dramatically over the course of the season. The players know their roles and stick to them. Their system is designed to get the ball to scorers in position to score. They play solid defense and value the ball. Our lads, not so much. Of course, one game may be misleading. Coaching against utterly undisciplined, roll out the ball and let 'em play AAU squads is the perfect experience for playing us. So perhaps we are giving Martin too much credit.

2. O.K., look, it was pretty obvious as a freshman that we weren't going to get the promised "slightly smaller white Shaq." But, it seemed reasonable to expect that as a senior "Skillets" Kaun might be a Pollard-like contributor. Sadly, no. He is on pace to break the records set by Ostertag and Chenowith for most disappointing big man in ku history. He was so bad last night that some flocksters even suggested that Aldrich should get his minutes. That seemed reasonable until you looked at Aldrich's line -- 4 minutes, 0 points, 0 rebounds, 2 turnovers. Thank God for "one and done's." You want to talk ugly? Just imagine 4 years of the Beasley/Aldrich match up. Four minutes was more than I could handle.

3. That fine performance should silence the ridiculous Branch Darnellians, or at least stop the "he's consistent" nonsense. Thirty minutes. Only two shots. Seven points. Four rebounds, none offensive. Two turnovers. No assists. And let's not even talk about his matador defense on Bill Walker. In decades of watching college basketball I don't know that I've ever seen a defender get so abused, for which Darnell receives the coveted Ned Beatty Award for the game.

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Thanks to some dude Rusty for archiving.