Saturday, June 28, 2008

Finally Rid of that Crazy Bastard

Good luck with all of that, Pat.



KU Expansion More Than Just Clip-Art/Porta-Potties

In a bold move by anyone's standards, Lew Perkins has approved the construction of new "Ultra-Suites" at the KU football/track facility (pictured left). "We knew that, in order to keep up with the big dogs of the state of Kansas, we would need to market our attraction to the elite of the elite fans," Lew announced, "We believe that these premium seats will attract the kind of season ticket holder the University of Kansas football and field day event teams covet." It wasn't all hoopla and parades with this announcement though. KU faced stiff financial barriers in instituting such an aggressive construction effort. "We gathered cans for months and had cake raffle after cake raffle but we finally came up with the seven hundred and fifty bucks needed to make this happen," Lew told the gathered pedestrians outside of the Memorial Stadium parking lot. "We believe this puts us right up there with the Liberals and Garden Citys of the world.... Hell, we purchased our porta-potties from the same vendor Ness City got theirs from and we were told we got a newer model since Ness upgraded theirs." When asked what other expansions KU may have in store for their fans Lew gave a sly wink and suggested the work may not be done, "Coffeyville Community College may not be fourth in the state in concession locations for very many more years." Stay tuned Hawk fans, this could be an exciting ride!

Saturday, June 21, 2008

Pelini May Or May Not Love Rape (Probably Does)

This week God's is continuing it's look into the culture of rape in and around the trash schools of the Big 12. We now turn our attention to the most notorious "rapers" of the bunch...Nebraska. You think the prisoners still run this asylum? This is not your slightly older brother's Nebraska, friend. Gone are the days of Tom Osborne organizing team "train rides" on innocent campus females. You see, noted drunk Bo Pelini has decided to institute a zero tolerance policy on each and every player. No longer will there be dirtbag coaches allowing the Peters and Phillips of the world to terrorize and sexually assault the campus co-eds. No sir, you see, when a TE gets his third DUI in the span of one year he will be walking a tight rope of suspension if he even THINKS about getting the fourth. If an offensive lineman gets charged with first-degree sexual assault he better pray to God that he doesn't get charged with ANOTHER first-degree sexual assault or he could be humiliated with running stairs in front of the team. We are talking about ZERO TOLERANCE here folks. God's would also like to publicly announce it's non-affiliation with the disgusting campus newspaper The Daily Nebraskan that had the gall to write a piece questioning Coach Pelini's disciplinary tactics. Have you forgotten where you reside? Have you no respect for the highest office in your state? How dare you dare you. Your disgusting link follows > STAFF EDITORIAL: Pelini Blocks DN, Reverses Decision - Opinion

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

The New Rock Chalk

From now on, rock means rape. Oh, and chalk? That also now means rape. Why? It's because Jayhawk student athletes these days just can't get enough raping. They love to rape. They fucking love it.

The latest Jayhawk to profess his fierce crush on rape is Sherron "Otis Dick" Collins. Sherron (M) (Yes, (M)!) thumbed his nose at America today when he pretended that he was too stupid to understand that he needed to go to court due to pending rape charges. (As if he's never been there before!)

It's reported that Sherron had intended to go to court. When the time came, however, he found himself to be much too busy raping.

Thanks to ksuno1stunner for the recently taken photo of Collins.

Saturday, June 14, 2008


GAG would like to congratulate R. Kelly and Jocques Crawford for being able to continue their careers after raping someone. Congrats heroes!

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Ron Prince Replacement Candidate Numbero Uno

What do you do when you’re just not very good at life? I don’t know. Quit? Hell no. Never give up. Hire someone? No way. He may tell you to quit.

So, what do you do if one of your subordinates just isn’t very good at life? Tell him to quit? No way. That’s bad management. Hire someone that will tell him to quit for you? Hell yes!

Iowa athletic director Gary Barta is hiring a life-skills advisor for his department. This can only mean one thing. He wants someone to advise Kirk Ferentz that his life is best lived somewhere other than Iowa City.

A natural move for Ferentz would be to Manhattan, Kansas. Inside of Bill Snyder’s abdomen.

Later this year, after Ron Price waddles the sidelines for the last time, Ferentz would become the Kansas State head coach. Bill Snyder would merely serve as host coach and would act as something like a security blanket - something that KSU fans could quickly and easily look at in order to quell anxieties about the state of the football program. Basically, he’d function no differently than Tom Osborne in Nebraska.

I'm starting to feel better already. Please, God, make this happen.