Wednesday, April 23, 2008


Do you like shooting guns? At people? Well, then, what do you think about Ron Prince?

One lucky KSU fan will soon win the fourth annual Dodge City Catbacker purple pride camouflage gun. In attendance for the presentation: Coach Ron.

After he dropped Fresno State off the schedule, we weren't sure. But it seems as though Coach Ron does indeed have some balls after all.

Remember, coach: Don't squat with your spurs on.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Ron Prince Seen Making The Rounds On ESPN

In what can only lead to more good publicity for the Kansas State football program Ron Prince (pictured left) has recently been seen by this God's contributor making the rounds on the ESPN family of networks including a daily appearance on popular program PTI. Well, keep up the good work coach and we all look forward to a great 2008!

Sunday, April 20, 2008

Kansas State Spring Game Recap!!

Manhattan, KS- The Purple and White game was a thrilling match-up of defensive juggernauts as the Whiteys edged the Purps by a field goal on a picture-esque day in the Valley of the Wheat on the Plains by the Dam. The White sideline erupted in orgasmic exultation upon the oblong leather inflatable soared through the perpendiculars (Above). The previously suspect defense toyed with the two offensive sides leading Sophomore Linebacker Olu Hall to sum up the day thusly: “I thought that the defense did really good on both sides of the ball.” Later adding: "And the offense totally sucked balls on the third side of the ball."

On the offensive side of the ball, Josh "16 karat Golden Boy" Freeman (Above) seemed oblivious that the state of affairs was offensive. Freeman seemed dazed and confused and brought a family-size bag of Funions and an industrial bucket of Hidden Valley Ranch Dressing to the presser explaining, "You guys have no idea. I was in the zone. We ran soooo many plays dude." Freeman and the offensive team emerged amid a plume of smoke and the Junior quarterback hinted that celebrations might have started a day early "Life is just so complex, man. It's like we were talking about life, the offense and life, you know? Do you ever think about something and then you want to say what you're thinking about, but then you start thinking about what you're saying as you're saying it and you wonder if it makes any sense at all?"

But the Weekend Fan-Fest was not quite as "festive" for everyone. Some attendees were disappointed to arrive to find that the promised pre-kick concert featuring "The Goo Goo Dolls" had been canceled. Longtime Hutchinson resident and self-proclaimed "Goo face" Jacob Douchenberry. "We hadn't heard about the cancellation. It was a real let down." To make matters worse, others pointed out that the Wamego Tulip Festival conflicted with this year's annual pigskin kick-off. Dolores and Orville Turnipson of Tecumseh, have been attending both events for 37 years together. "We've never had the both on the same day," exclaimed Dolores. "I might not make it all the way through the game," said Orville, adding "I might take a nap or two."

Overall the day can be summed up by the box score with Cherry popping one through in the fourth quarter to save the assembled faithful from the specter of more scoreless football in overtime. Cherry's 51 yard score was the perfect end to an akward first date for Wildcat players and fans. Hopefully with some more practice and confidence the future will hold some more sustained drives, some more scoring and maybe even a successful foray in to the Endzone. Wildcat fans seem willing to go there, but the team still seems to be working things out on their own. Here's hoping for a more successful and exciting season than this fucking boner bruise of a Saturday.

Really it says it all.

Friday, April 18, 2008

Lawrence, KS: Bottomless pit of awkward white guys

Kansas Jayhawk defensive coordinator Clint Bowen presents the Ray Evans Defensive MVP Award to Aqib Talib and James McClinton then wishes he understood what they said to each other.


Wednesday, April 16, 2008


What's been going on so far this spring:

1. Spring game draft. Defensive coordinator Tim Tibesar surprised everyone when he took cornerback Josh Moore #1 in the spring game draft. Moore is a good pick. It's just that everyone thought he was looking at Josh Freeman. You know, because of the lazy eye or whatever it is.

2. Extra sweaty coach. Word around town is that Ron Prince has been boinking the wife of one of his assistant coaches. As hard as it is to believe considering who we're dealing with, Coach Ron will have to sweat this one out and pray to his false, evil god(s) that this thing will just kind of go away on its own.

3. Rookie coaching wanted. While Coach Ron isn't a rookie coach, in his frantic, desperate search for anything that might help save the impending disastrous season, he is seeking the counsel of those who have no experience coaching football. It's reported that Virginia defensive end Chris Long advised Coach Ron to utilize Ian Campbell in a way that would minimize his strengths. Coach Ron was surprised to discover that he hadn't adequately done exactly that last year and then thanked Chris Long for his graciousness and beauty.

Saturday, April 5, 2008

Enough is Enough

Everyone knows Ron Prince is a cold blooded son of a bitch when it comes to the day to day operations of Kansas State Football. But he goes another step further and has the brass balls to pin his opponent for a FIVE count as opposed to the traditional three count in the ring. Listen Ronald, we know you are a fairly decent wrestler but we don’t want to see you embarrass your opponent. Be the bigger man and leave the ring after the 3 count. I’m half tempted to contact the management of the World Wrestling Federation and complain about your shenanigans. Don’t even get me started on your “manager” Jimmy Hart who does the showboating FIVE count for you in front of the, what I can only assume to be, booing crowd. Point is: GAG will no longer stand for your one-upmanship. From now on, every time you feel the need to “5-count” your opponent I suggest you think about the crowd and fans that came to watch you perform. Got it!?


Friday, April 4, 2008

Free Mustache Rides!

Somebody Keep Bob Away From The Ladys.


Thursday, April 3, 2008


The Devil

Alright jerkstores, it's your ole' hero again, the fucking Devil. A lot of people have been talking at length lately about "selling your soul". Well, as the consumer at the end of these transactions I thought it was time to shed a little light on the subject for you dumbsticks that act like you know what's what. First of all, you can't just proclaim that you're selling your soul and expect to get top market value. For example, Ron Prince has tried to barter with his soul about a gazillion times but the Devil wasn't born yesterday pal. A lot of people thought I had something to do with the Josh Freeman acquisition. Well, to tell you the truth, that one surpised even the Devil. Arthur Brown in return for your crapty soul? Give me a fuckin' break, Ronald.

The Devil always has been a big softy for some good college basketball soul selling. The Larry Brown/Danny Manning's dad soul package deal was a real monster. Manning Sr. will still be fondly looking back on his "coachin' days" while I'm shoving a red hot coal so far up his fucking ass for all of eternity it just may have been worth it to the old truck driver. How Larry Brown keeps coming up with souls to sell is beyond me. Kansas State, a new player in the soul selling game, has a lot of potential. They seem to be getting their water legs when it comes to fair trade value. I really stuck it to them with the Huggins deal but they rebounded nicely on their next transaction.

That raises another issue. Some folks think a school or individual only has one soul. We call these people morons. There are many ways a person or school can come into possession of more than one soul. The soul game is a fair and open market. Alumni can donate their soul to their alma mater (The Pickens, as we call it) and coaches can acquire booster souls in exchange for goods, services and permission to act like a retard (The Gardner Special).

This is just the basics, I will be back periodically to highlight the trends and transactions in the soul market. If you are interested in bartering please see my right hand man, Lew Perkins. He's on my Verizon friends list so we can talk as long as we want without having to worry about overages.

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Racist Coach Rankings: Fun, Not Always Accurate

You know what I love about sports? It's the diversity.

Good stuff today from Exalted Cyclops Wizard Tom Dienhart who provides a ranking of the Big 12 coaches from the viewpoint of a white supremacist.

Am I surprised that Mark Mangino is as high as he is? Or that Mike Sherman is as low as he is? At first, yeah. A little. But that's nitpicking. Dienhart absolutely nailed the aspect of the rankings that he is always most concerned with. And you have to give him props for that.


Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Kansas State Athletic Department calls Ron Prince's tenure "April Fools Joke"

MANHATTAN- Interim Shadow Athletic Director Bob Krause
announced today that Ron Prince's tenure as Head Football Coach at Kansas State University has been "an extended April Fools joke." At a 2pm press conference held at Krause's informal office located on a reserved barstool at Harry's Uptown, Krause added, "I hope everyone can enjoy a hearty laugh now. I mean Bold and Daring, Ad Astra Per Aspra? Fucking come on! You guys had to figure it out by then, right?" Krause expressed incredulity, between sips of his single malt 21 year scotch on the rocks, at the surprised reaction of the press corps and pushed further "You really thought we'd hire him if it weren't for yuks?"

In an accompanying statement released this morning by K-State Sports Information Director Kenny Lannou, Former Athletic Director and current Deputy Big 12 Conference Commissioner Tim Weiser explained the rationale for the decision, "After Coach Snyder retired, we were looking for something to brighten the mood. In the athletics game everyone works on a three year plan, so we set April 1, 2008 as the target date." When asked if the departure of Bob Huggins or the extended tenure of Jim Woolridge had been previous long running jokes as well, Krause commented: "No, we just fucked those up."

Summing up Wildcat Nation's response would be difficult. Reactions varied and conflicted with drastically different opinions across different groups of supporters. Barney Benson a longtime Wildcat fan and 1972 alumnus seemed angry and confused: "My fucking Ahearn Scholarship Fund checks weren't a joke! They really dicked me here, but I don't even know what to think."

Jack Mehoff a junior in Open Option expressed surprise, but welcomed the joke, "I didn't see that one coming, but that is hilarious." Adding, "I'm so high right now."

Over at, Tim Fitzgerald gave his insiders a heads-up on this with a post just minutes before Krause's announcement letting them all in on the joke. Asked why he hadn't previously mentioned the joke Fitz explained, "I pretty much knew the whole time, I just wanted fans to get the full experience of the April Fools joke. I didn't want to spoil it, you know?"

Contrast that with the response at by former booster and message board poster sonofdaxjones "This is my last post on here. Some shit is probably going to go down now and I just want to say thank you to all those who believed me when I said these motherfuckers were capable of anything. God Bless, EMAW! and Go STATE!"

Maybe the person who put the whole day in perspective best was Ron Prince himself "This is my team." After a day of twists, turns, revelations and surprises it is best to remember that Ron Prince is the joke.

This man must be stopped.

You know who this is? Matt Walters. To be honest, he sucks balls. Why do I care? Because he is a sideline reporter and local sports talk personality.
So? Well, Matt "FuckShit" Walters is on record as saying the following:
"In essence, KMAN tries to give high school wrestling as much coverage as possible," said Walters.

What an asshole!
I know. Not only does he sound like a retarded Walrus, but he doesn't even talk about K-State sports all the time. No! He takes entire segments to update us about the Riley Co. Falconettes Girls Softball tourney and the Rock Creek Mustangs Backyard Wrasslin' Mania Fest. Seriously? Not to mention his incessant Royals/Chiefs chat. Nothing pisses off a true Wildcat fan more than seeing a local yokel who doesn't know shit about K-State, hammering home a Posnanski or Grunhard talking point about how Larry Johnson is not a role model or Mike Sweeney is a hometown hero. NO ONE GIVES A SHIT. How is he as a sideline reporter? Awful. His delivery is so slow that by the time he mentions that the player looked like they may have been out of bounds Wyatt has missed the next play. You know what its like when Wyatt gets confused. How does this piece of shit have a job? No one knows. Maybe its because he covers all the high school stuff so people that post on gopowercat like him, thus Fitz likes him. FITZ! I know, it all comes back to that bald blob of gooey slime with the emo glasses. We've been FITZ'D!