Thursday, April 3, 2008

The Devil

Alright jerkstores, it's your ole' hero again, the fucking Devil. A lot of people have been talking at length lately about "selling your soul". Well, as the consumer at the end of these transactions I thought it was time to shed a little light on the subject for you dumbsticks that act like you know what's what. First of all, you can't just proclaim that you're selling your soul and expect to get top market value. For example, Ron Prince has tried to barter with his soul about a gazillion times but the Devil wasn't born yesterday pal. A lot of people thought I had something to do with the Josh Freeman acquisition. Well, to tell you the truth, that one surpised even the Devil. Arthur Brown in return for your crapty soul? Give me a fuckin' break, Ronald.

The Devil always has been a big softy for some good college basketball soul selling. The Larry Brown/Danny Manning's dad soul package deal was a real monster. Manning Sr. will still be fondly looking back on his "coachin' days" while I'm shoving a red hot coal so far up his fucking ass for all of eternity it just may have been worth it to the old truck driver. How Larry Brown keeps coming up with souls to sell is beyond me. Kansas State, a new player in the soul selling game, has a lot of potential. They seem to be getting their water legs when it comes to fair trade value. I really stuck it to them with the Huggins deal but they rebounded nicely on their next transaction.

That raises another issue. Some folks think a school or individual only has one soul. We call these people morons. There are many ways a person or school can come into possession of more than one soul. The soul game is a fair and open market. Alumni can donate their soul to their alma mater (The Pickens, as we call it) and coaches can acquire booster souls in exchange for goods, services and permission to act like a retard (The Gardner Special).

This is just the basics, I will be back periodically to highlight the trends and transactions in the soul market. If you are interested in bartering please see my right hand man, Lew Perkins. He's on my Verizon friends list so we can talk as long as we want without having to worry about overages.

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