Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Poll Watch

Let’s get down to the nitty gritty and take a look at this week’s AP and ESPN/USA Today polls. Okay, no reason to delay, so let’s get started. Here we go. As you might expect, the gigantic mountain of bullshit defecated from one of these polls is only surpassed by the other’s corresponding gigantic bullshit mountain.

Okay, no doubt the first thing you notice is how low K-State is ranked. Based on the way they’ve played recently (The Iowa State game was totally over by halftime. Did you fucking see that shit?), it is clear that the only reason why anyone would have them outside of the top 5 is if their head contains a giant mountain of bullshit. This enormous oversight reeks of anti-KSU conspiracy and is so large that it functions as the entire base of Gigantic Bullshit Mountain. All the way around.

Okay, let’s hop on the gondola, head up the mountain, and take a look at the scenery and the view. Here we go.

Okay, speaking of conspiracy theories, Kevin Love is one of the fucking fattest players I’ve ever seen. UCLA is unquestionably out of shape and will be sucking so much wind in the NCAA tournament that they won’t make it past the round of 40. That’s why they should be ranked at #20.

Okay, as we ascend, the peak of Mt. Gigantic Bullshit comes into view. Congrats on trying to Tressel your way to the summit, Memphis and KU. The joke is on you, though. My inside sources tell me that STRENGTH OF SCHEDULE is huge for the Final Four voters this year. You guys are fucked.

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