Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Game Preview: Oklahoma

All eyes in the Big 12 will be turned to Manhattan for at least the first quarter this weekend as Snyder votary and OU head coach Bob Stoops brings his team of talented, well-paid superjocks into Snyder Stadium to face Ron Prince's merry band of jackasses in a one-sided matchup that the Big 12 will likely never forget.

"We are basically going to get the fuck beat out of us," said K-State coach Ron 'Pimp Juice' Prince. "There is no way in shit we're going to be able to gameplan for this fucking thing. We as a coaching staff just lack the cognitive ability. I watched them play KU last week when I was supposed to be coming up with a strategy for the Colorado game, and they are, like, really good."

Indeed, they are, like, really good. OU brings the second-best offense in the Big 12 (and fourth in the country) into Manhattan. Averaging 544 yards per game, this unstoppable machine has seemingly been preordained by God to shock and awe the 105th-ranked Wildcat Lynch Mob Defense (giving up 429 yards per game) into submission this weekend.

"I make $200,000 a year," said defensive coordinator Tim Tibesar with a grin.

While OU's offense bears comparison to a freight train from Hell, their real strength may lie on defense. Stoops says he wins games with defense first, a stark contrast to Prince's "fuck defense" strategy. OU's defense ranks 34th in the country, which, for the Big 12, is fucking incredible. Stoops discussed his intricate gameplan with this reporter.

"Well, we plan to focus on the one bright spot on offense, their big quarterback [Josh] Freeman," said Stoops, wiping his nose after yet another line of coke. "He is basically the only player worth a shit on their team. He's really big and stuff. So we're really just gonna try to hit him really hard. I mean other than that I haven't really thought about it. I guess you could say I'm not worried about this one."

When asked what he planned to do against the Wildcat defense, Stoops laughed until he shit his pants.

A crowd of about twelve people is expected to gather for the game, which will for some reason be televised on Fox Sports Net at 11:00 AM CST. Asked if he was purposely trying to embarass the Wildcats by putting them on television, Big 12 director Dan Beebe said, "yes." The buzz on campus is palpable, with several students wearing purple shirts. At least one student appeared excited for the game.

"I am going to take this rifle," said K-State student Tom Tomlinson. "And I am going to shoot Prince in the head when he walks his happy ass out on that field."

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