Thursday, October 16, 2008

Subterfuge

Webster's Dictionary of American English defines 'subterfuge' as 'deceit used in order to achieve one's goal.' You might be wondering why I bring this up, and if you are wondering, then you're an idiot, a terrible fan and an awful American.

Anyway, you idiots, Ron is clearly just fucking with the Big 12 right now. A lot of people might look at our #111th-ranked defense and think, "we really suck at defense!" Well, I look at it and think to myself, "well played, sir!"

There are two things we know about Ron Prince:

1. He is smart. Really smart.
2. idk

Clearly, a man of such intellect is not actually this bad of a coach. And I have found proof. Using a superb disguise, I was able to access the subterranean vault that contains Ron's Plan. Actually, I'll be honest, there's not even a vault. I found it in the parking lot, kind of behind Planet Sub, lying against the wall near a dumpster, you know, back where that little tiny alleyway goes between the buildings? It's kind of like a secret passage back there, you can go from the parking lot behind Porter's, Hair Shapers, etc., and pop out of that little alley right onto Moro. It's a lot of fun, you should try it. Anyway, there it was, on the ground, covered in semen and vomit, so I picked it up, and read it. On page 4,390 were the following words:

"It is the aspiration of this effervescent organization to ascend with great haste to the upper echelon of our chosen sport. In this regard, it is important for us to have a shitty defense. By featuring a languid, inexpert defense against our primary sextet of opponents, we can then lull the final sextet into a false sense of security. After the sixth game (in which we will allow some random fucker to throw for 419 yards and let the worst offense in the Big 12 outgain us by over 100 yards, by the way we will 44-30 just so you know), we will unleash a breathtaking, stupefying defense the likes of which have never been seen before at any level of football. The looks of shock on our final six opponent's faces will be priceless! In this way, we will march righteously onward up the stairway to college football heaven, ascending ever-on to the greatest heights imaginable."

Now fully erect, I rushed home to post this. It's so clear now! Ron was just fucking with us! Clearly the key to consistently competing for championships is a chunk of clever chicanery! The next six games will see the return of the Lynch Mob, for it has been written, written in the Great Plan. I fully expect us to dominate defensively against Colorado this weekend. We could possibly even hold them to negative yards and points.

I am currently in the process of reading through more of the Plan and will post more information as I find it! Right now I'm on Chapter 17, "How To Succeed In College Football Without Really Trying." It's slow reading because I have to clean off the rat feces from the alleyway but in time I should be able to decipher this Glorious Plan!

2 comments:

ths said...

you used alot of big words

i like it!

Anonymous said...

i think ksu stinks