Motto Time!

Prince mottos. Let's quickly recap!

2006: Bold and Daring! (7-6)

2007: Power of One! (5-7)

Thanks to Levi Wolters for actually reading words in the media guide and getting the scoop on Ron Prince's latest stroke of genius for 2008:

Ad Astra Per Aspera!! (AWESOME!)

What's good:

1. Acknowledging that, at times, and maybe more often than not, we are going to suck really bad this year. For God's sake, don't act like there won't be difficulties. Lay it out there for everyone to see right from the get go.

2. Tie-in with state motto. It's much harder for people to hate this team when they associate it with their state. You might call it allegiance or loyalty. I call it fucking genius.

What's bad:

1. Not corporate sounding enough. In order for Prince to be successful, he needs to act like a Fortune 500 CEO as much as possible. It's obvious he understands this. That's why the new motto is something of a head scratcher. But still genius.

2. Tie-in with state motto. Kansas isn't known for much. Basketball more than football, I suppose. And you have to wonder if people watching KSU play football going to start daydreaming about sitting in Allen Fieldhouse and watching the Jayhawks make dunks and stuff.

The Devil

Listen jerks, I'm the fucking devil, OK!?

Wait a minute P.C. America!

We here at GAG occasionally take a break from the daily grind of covering our beloved KANSAS STATE UNIVERSITY WILDCATS to comment on the hopeful, depraved, monotonous world around us (focusing primarily on the Manhattan/Konza Prairie locality and Central Plains region). That said, let me say something America (if that's even your real name) you are a p.c. nanny fart and are totally bummin me out.

In case you haven't heard, I direct your attention to some local news:

Katherine J. Harder, a language arts teacher at a Manhattan High school, in Manhattan, Kansas has been arrested and jailed on suspicion of unlawful sexual relations.

Used to be, P.C. America was a bunch of pointy-headed liberals in the ivory towers on the Atlantic coast with their fiery gaze of devil worship lasers firmly fixed on Europe. NO LONGER! Now these self-proclaimed "experts" have written laws that say that if you have a total boner for your English teacher they throw her in jail.

OBJECTION YOUR HONOR!

We here at GAG strongly object to the idea that totally horny 17-year old dudes can't get down with totally willing/hot 31-year old English teacher babes. If you take that away we predict no less than the collapse of our long revered institution of Public Education for All. If you got zits and an out of control dork, if you have a penchant for creative writing that gets your hot teach moist, if you are for freedom and liberty and everything that is right with America, than surely you will agree that this federally funded COCK BLOCK SHALL NOT STAND!

With that, I end with a hearty:

GO STATE!

Snyder Buzz: Special Guest Riding

Some of Bill Snyder's favorite things to do since he was mercilessly forced out of his football coaching position by THE MAN are guest riding and special guest riding.

This weekend, Snyder will be special guest riding at the Central Championships' opening ceremonies.

Snyder said that guest riding is important for our young people and then something about leadership.

Snyder plans to publicly praise Jenny Giraldin who not only stuck to her plan to compete against Fresno State, but also triumphed against them. He then commented that the world needs more people like Jenny Giraldin and less people like Ron Prince. He then commented that his previous comment would not be included in his public address.

Signs Of Imminent Dominance: UNLV ed.

Just how loaded with talent is this KSU team? Basically, if you don't make KSU's roster, you can go and compete for a starting job at one of college football's elite programs.

That's what happened with Heivaha Mafi who is absolutely tearing shit up at spring practice.

Mafi, described as someone who "puts it all on the table to win," was dropped like a bad habit by Ron Prince, described as someone who "is only interested in championships."

"[KSU was] the No. 1 school on me," Mafi said. "They tried to get me. I went out there and visited. I liked it. I don't know what happened."

The People Have Spoken: I AM > WE ARE

I don't care how many conference and national championships Ron Prince wins in the next one to ten years, this is embarrassing. Really embarrassing.

Not all that long ago, we were all stupefied by Prince's glitzy business sense in general and apparent prodigy like aptitude for marketing in particular. "This guy could make fish and sharks and coral and other sea life love water through ingenious mass media ad campaigns," we all thought to ourselves.

We were wrong. While we were busy worshiping Ron Prince for his idea to print up some "We Are K-State" t-shirts and hold a meet and greet by the student union, some local Hollywood guru at Fresno State was winning awards, procuring sponsors, and even creating a website (!) for their own, better "I Am Fresno State" slogan.

Utterly humiliated, Ron Prince has now decided that he no longer wants to play Fresno State and is backing out of the game like a little bitch. This is the embarrising part that I was talking about before.

We are now forced to deal with the reality that, not only did we not hire the marketing genius that we once thought we did, but we also got a guy that doesn't even want to coach. Please tell me it can't get any worse!

What's on tap for 2008: Brady Kroeker

Not much happening in the world of KSU sports again, so it's time to start looking at candidates for team captain. First up is Brady Kroeker.

Kroeker's sack total fell last year to 4.5 from 11.5 in 2006, his tackles for loss from 17 to 11, but league coaches still thought enough of him to vote Kroeker first team all-Big 12 off a sketchy overall defense for the second consecutive year. He’s the best pass rushing end in the conference by reputation, and athletic enough to project as an outside linebacker in the NFL. In other words, the kid’s, you know, bona fide. These are the best pics we could find.

"I'm taking you down with me, number 18."

"You just got JACKED UP!"

Omaha 2008: The Real Battle

When people tell me about World War II, I start leaning back in my USD 383 issued chair and drool spittle on my shirt. Whenever I come to, I let out a gaping yawn and give the teach a good "BOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRREEEENGGGGGGGGG!!!!" to let them know what's up.

Why? Do I hate history? Am I retarded? Am I an asshole? No, not really. I just like logic and facts.

FACT: Omaha is in fucking NEBRASKA holmes. I don't know where you got your shiny little Education degree (probably not at the first and most prestigious Morrill Land Grant Institution of Higher Learning with more Udall, Rhodes and Marshall scholars than any other public university) but I'm no sucker. Ok? (See: Fig. 1)


Fig. 1

FACT: Because Omaha is in Nebraska and Nebraska is in these Continental United States of America then a World War II battle could not have been fought there because guess what? I'm going to go slow for you Mr. Fantsy Pants: WORLD WAR II WAS FOUGHT IN TWO MAJOR THEATERS: EUROPE AND THE PACIFIC. IS NEBRASKA IN EITHER OF THOSE GEOGRAPHIC REGIONS? (See: Fig. fucking 1 for help)

stfu, teach.

FACT: Omaha has no beach that could accommodate, and I quote: "The Invasion Fleet was drawn from 8 different navies, comprising 6,939 vessels: 1,213 warships, 4,126 transport vessels and 736 ancillary craft and 864 merchant vessels"

CONCLUSION:
So in conclusion, this history mystery has been DEBUNKED, teach. Carry on your indoctrination of America's youth with your World War II conspiracy theories. I'll be watching the real battle.

TONITE ONLY!

QWEST CENTER IN DOWNTOWN OMAHA!

6:10 PM CST!

KANSAS STATE VS. USC!

NCAA TOURNEY!