Friday, February 22, 2008


We’re in for a treat today, homeboyz. You see, I just got up on my tiptoes, reached for the top shelf dickcheese, and pulled down one hell of a preemo slice: KU Athletic Director Lewis Perkins.

Aside from being the Director of Athletics at the University of Kansas and also the President of the Ugly as Fucking Sin Club for Men (and also a member), Perks is most famously known by the masses for his interest in fatness and fatness awareness related issues.

After thoroughly enjoying gastric bypass in 2002, Perko has dedicated himself to doing some major fundraising in a forward-thinking and brave attempt to provide this miracle sports procedure for at least some of his employees. As, like, a benefit or something.

I’m all for charity work (God, who isn’t?), but if I could be so bold as to offer a tiny, post gastric bypass sized wad of constructive criticism, I would exclaim that Perky, like, needs to focus way more on his career.

I don’t know. Maybe if, instead of conducting comprehensive research on the latest advancements in bariatric surgery, he had actually devoted some of his time to not getting caught cheating, he wouldn’t have been found guilty by the NCAA of a lack of institutional control. That might have helped his career a smidgen. It’s such a waste when you really think about it.

Now, due to this disappointing lack of purpose by Perk, he has been surpassed this week in the measure of life's successes by one of his former subordinates who is younger, (naturally) thinner, and kind of a whiney bitch: Former KSU Athletic Director and new Deputy Commissioner of the Big 12 Conference Tim "Wiser" Weiser. Not good, LP. Not good. Very dickcheese, IMO.

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